Thursday, April 7, 2011

Chapter Fifty: Hallway Teamster

Problem? Kids at school are dicks.

Suggested course of action? Kill them all.

Solution? Kill.

Kill the rage.

I feel like shit. It was them again, they were altering my emotions...

Kid at school: Why are you so ugly? And smell bad? And fat?
Me: I have a rare Japanese disease called Fukayu.

Another kid: I was GONNA slam the door in your face, but I thought that'd be mean.
Me: And deadly.
Kid: How would it be deadly?
Me: I'd kill you.
Kid: Oh. Ha. (SHIT!)

I just finished reading the book, Black Swan Green. There's this BEAUTIFUL character, Madame Crommelynck. She spews wisdom like, like, like a Squirtle spews Water Gun. Bad example. What spews? She also INSPIRES wisdom in the narrator/main character, Jason Taylor. I hope I'm not violating copyrights by quoting this...I just love it so much.

"The sequence of doors we passed made me think of all the rooms of my past and future. The hospital ward I was born in, classrooms, tents, churches, offices, hotels, museums, nursing homes, the room I'll die in. (Has it been built yet?)"

Has it been built yet? The room I'll die in, well, I don't know.

Or this, said by a Gypsy:
"'Know what fire is?' Knife Grinder's cough's a dying man's cough. 'Fire's the sun, unwindin' itself out o' the wood.'"

Or this, after Jason returned a wallet with several hundred pounds in it to his worst enemy:
"Wilcox got to thirty. He took a deep breath, then remembered me, witnessing his utter relief. 'So now I'm s'posed to kiss yer arse, am I?' His face snarled up. 'Tell yer how grateful I am?'
As usual, I didn't know how to reply to him.
Poor kid."

I loves it.

I auditioned for the Murder Mystery Dinner Theater yesterday, but I doubt I got any part. There were only seven, anyway. I could be a waiter, I guess.


6 reviews:

Alyx said...

"Rare Japanese disease called Fukayu."
I may have to read that book.

Frap said...

I. Wait. Fukayu? I don't get it.

...Never mind, I get it. Fuck you. Nice one.

Maze said...

I read that book. My favorite part was when Wilcox lost his leg.

Janus, once again, you've failed.

Terry said...

Dinner Theater...mmm...

Janus said...

A MURDER MYSTERY Dinner Theater, little moron. They're so pestering. No, they're cute! And annoying. I apologize, Maze! Do believe me, in less than forty-eight hours...

Branwen said...

Ignore those kids, Joce. They aren't worth your time or thoughts.

Murder mystery dinner? I always wanted to go to one of those.

~ Casey

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