Monday, April 4, 2011

Chapter Forty-Six: Talent Bowler

They TOOK my weekend.

I don't CARE that Janus tried to cut the connections to my prefrontal cortex with an improvised orbitoclast that consisted of a rusty dagger and a stick he found on the ground. I don't CARE that I got waterboarded by Maze. I don't CARE that I could have died or been seriously mentally altered. I don't CARE about any of the things that happened over the weekend. I don't CARE about any of that shit right now, because they fucking TOOK my WEEKEND.

Yes, Rebecca Black, Saturday was NOT tomorrow and Sunday did NOT come afterwards
, because at midnight on Friday I blacked out for the next forty-eight hours.

I could have had a NICE weekend. I could have seen Source Code and Hop and Rodrick Rules and every other godsdamn movie out there. I could have stuffed myself on cheesepuffs and cream soda. But no. They just HAD to do this on the weekend.

Look at this! Look at what he did to me with his rusty dagger and stick!

Look at it! It looks like nothing! That could even be a freckle...Shit. Now I've got to check if that's a freckle. It's not a freckle! I don't have any freckles on my face! I assure you, it's red and irritated and scabbed and now it's bleeding...It was a lot worse a while ago! A lot, lot worse. I have a massive headache, even if "Talent Bowler" is an anagram of "All Better Now", I have a massive massive massive headache. He did a HORRIBLE job of trying to lobotomize me or wipe my memories or whatever he was doing, all he managed was stabbing me in the nose.

Man, I really need to shave.


That kept me NOT dying or giving up...

Was the godsdamn fairies.

ARGH. I've got to go to sleep and get up and go to school. I WISH I could say, "Mom, Dad, I don't feel so well." "Why, son? What's wrong?" "Well, I was under the assumption that I was drowning all weekend and also I had a rusty dagger and a stick shoved into my face." "You're insane. Go to school."

It's not even a Labyrinth anymore! There's no element of suspense or surprise, there's just RAIN, RAIN, RAIN.

Rain...the godsdamn rain. The rain. The rain. Oh man. The rain.

They used the rain to distract me while they hurt me, the rain, the rain, it hurt so was like it was raining fire, acid, raining lava and antimatter and what have you, it hurt so much it was like nothing you've ever felt before...I was drowning, drowning, I was swimming in the ocean of rainwater and I was drowning and hurting and burning and...

Who's read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? All of the books? Remember the Total Perspective Vortex?

Oh my gods. The last hour...just a few hours ago...holy shit.

Three thirty-three, motherfucker! Take that! Screw you and your twos!


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